I have to be honest, I wasn’t ready to write or publish this post just yet, however, a question asked in an interview this week triggered some emotions. I was caught off-guard and felt like this part of my story was taken away from me. This is a topic that’s far from new, and while I love being honest with my community, I haven’t touched on this yet. The bottom line: it was a very traumatic experience for me and it makes me very emotional to this day.
As most of you might know, I had rhinoplasty 15 years ago. At the time, it didn’t feel like THAT big of a deal to me because the decision was based on serious health issues I was having. To be clear, it was not about changing my appearance. After several doctor’s visits about my health issues, they also suggested shaving my “bump” down. I was young and didn’t put much thought into it, so I decided, why not? It wasn’t a big deal to me nor was it like I was dreaming of the day I’d get a nose job. On the other hand, I have ZERO judgment towards anyone who does look forward to that day—your body, your choice.
In the aftermath and the hardest part, was not the recovery but the media who constantly tried to paint a picture of me as someone who didn’t like their appearance. I loved myself, but I was just a very unaware person at that time (as you all have seen my wardrobe choices LOL!). I was proud of who I was back then, and still proud now.
Plastic surgery wasn’t culturally accepted then like it is now. When I got it done I was scrutinized, judged, and made to feel ashamed over my decision. I made a decision that was no one’s business (and is STILL no one’s business) and for that decision, I was constantly made to feel bad about it.
I always wanted to be honest and open about why I did it because I had a young fanbase. Unfortunately, with the public scrutiny, I felt like that was taken away. Not to mention that I was obligated to walk out on stage at a Jingle Ball concert, just two weeks into recovery. The funny thing is that being caught off guard in this interview 15 years later when rhinoplasty is not considered taboo, I had my confidence questioned yet again. There was just no place for that.
At the end of the day, I’m having a daughter, and I hope her choices aren’t met with judgment or shame. It’s taken years for me to process this experience—an experience that I didn’t think was that big of a deal either.
If anything, I was insecure after the procedure. As you can see, this is a lot to unload for me, and a 10-minute interview is not where I intended to talk about why I felt like I needed to do it. I honestly felt most of the conversation was going to surround my pregnancy. Most of the time I feel like the media is trying to uncover “the story” they’ve made up in their minds.
I’ve been very open and honest about my mental health, my breast explant, and everything in between. It’s not easy being vulnerable and I felt like that was taken advantage of during this interview. I’m glad I have this platform where I can share my experiences and hope that you can learn something from them—including the negative aspects of plastic surgery.
We all make mistakes in life, and part of my self-love journey was to forgive myself for making a quick decision. Based on my emotional response today, I know there’s still so much more work to be done in order to let go of the situation. I’m seeing this post as being my big first step!
I’m choosing to look at this interview (which was a bummer) as a positive. It brought up a very dark time in my life. Things like having paparazzi break into my home to get the “first shot”, and feeling like I let people down were the first things that came to mind. BUT I’m choosing to see this as a push to face it, write it down and finally let go.
Thank you for always allowing me to be honest and vulnerable with no judgment. If only other women could approach this subject the same way, we could probably feel less shame and a lot more love.
Xoxo
-Ashley