Obviously, sex changes in relationships all the time. Whether you’re married or have been dating for a while, it’s never going to be the same as when you first got together— you know, the honeymoon phase. It changes over time, and that’s not a bad thing.
So many factors play into sex, including mental health, libido changes, and of course having children. With women specifically, there are always questions after motherhood like, “how often are you having sex? and is that normal?” I more so find myself thinking “why should we compare our sex life to anyone else’s?” We’re all different people. We all go through other things. There’s really no firm number for how often you should be having sex and the assumption that there is can put a lot of stress on relationships.
When my girlfriends and I have these conversations, we’re never assuming that something deeper is happening or that something’s wrong in any of our relationships. We’ve realized that sex should just happen when we want it to happen and it’s fully between us and our partners.
When I was pregnant, I wanted to have sex with my husband all the time, but that’s not the case for all pregnant women, of course. In fact, I know people who didn’t want to be touched at all. This just goes back to how personal sex is for everyone’s relationship. There is no such thing as the norm, and we have to stop putting pressure on ourselves or comparing ourselves to others, especially when it comes to sex.
Chris and I have been married for seven years, so it’s been a long time for us. To say our sex life hasn’t changed isn’t true, it just ebbs and flows. There are times where it feels like, “Okay, it’s a lot.” And then there are other times where we might not be at it as often because we’re super busy with work. “Real” life comes into play a lot, especially when you’ve been together for a while, and people need to keep that in mind when they feel like they’re no longer in that honeymoon phase. In the beginning, it’s always hot and heavy, but that doesn’t mean you should feel bad if and when things slow down. It’s normal!
I have a great sex life with my husband, but that’s not all that our relationship is about. My love for my husband is not just about that, and I think it’s important because that’s what gets you through every phase of a relationship. I really enjoy being with my husband, and having a great sex life is an added plus, but I’ll say that a huge factor in our happiness is that we’ve cut out the noise and outside opinions on sex and relationships that could be unnecessary pressure points. Remember, it’s all personal and no one should make you feel bad about your sex life.