For much of his life, social psychologist and author Devon Price, PhD, didn’t realize he was autistic—because he had gotten so good at hiding it.
In his new book, Unmasking for Life: The Autistic Person’s Guide to Connecting, Loving, and Living Authentically, Price explores the concept of “masking” and the toll it takes on autistic people. Drawing on personal experience, interviews with autistic people, and his background in social psychology, Price brings much-needed clarity to what it means to live authentically as a neurodivergent person—and why unmasking can be a life-changing, even life-saving, process.
What Is Masking—and What Does It Mean to Unmask?
Masking refers to the learned behavior of suppressing autistic traits and needs in order to appear more neurotypical. It often begins in early childhood and continues into adulthood, shaping how someone talks, moves, socializes, and even chooses careers or relationships.
Price points to deep-rooted societal discomfort with disability as one of the main forces behind masking. Long-established social expectations based on neurotypical behavior—for instance, making eye contact and keeping hands still—are often at odds with autistic people’s biological needs and behaviors. “We teach kids, you need to sit still at your desk, you need to make eye contact with your teacher, you need to not talk too much, you need to not move too much,” Price explains. “And if you don’t behave, you’re bad, you’re wrong, you’re going to be punished.”
These expectations often arise before a child even knows they’re autistic. “Even if they don’t know they’re disabled, they know that they are being expected to behave in a certain way and that there’s something wrong with them if they naturally want to or need to behave in some other way,” Price says. Many autistic people learn how to blend in with neurotypical people by mimicking social behaviors or minimizing their own needs, but trying to fit in can come at a great personal cost.
The Mental Health Cost of Masking
According to Price, masking is a profound source of psychological distress. “There are entire generations of autistic people who masked their entire life and never even realized that’s what they were doing,” he says. And while masking might help someone “blend in” or avoid conflict, it often leads to burnout, anxiety, depression, and complex trauma.
There are entire generations of autistic people who masked their entire life and never even realized that’s what they were doing.
“One of the things that drives masking is just a lack of accessibility and tolerance for autistic people’s needs,” Price says. “You’re being dragged to physical spaces that are way too crowded and busy, or you’re being expected to sit still… Things are moving too fast and aren’t explained to you… All of that just alone is a massive source of stress.”
The long-term effects of masking are not just emotional, but physical as well. “People are telling you that you’re overreacting, and so you’re suppressing every feeling that you have,” he explains. “It causes people to carry a ton of tension in their bodies. It means they don’t check in with their own body and even their own sense of consent.” Over time, autistic people can experience problems with their physical and mental health—often without recognizing that much of it can be attributed to the chronic stress of masking.
How to Start Unmasking—Slowly, Intentionally, and Safely
Unmasking is the process of gradually letting go of those behaviors—of learning to stop performing and start living more honestly and comfortably in your own skin. It’s an acceptance, and often a celebration, of being autistic. But unmasking doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, it shouldn’t.
“The early stages of unmasking, I think, are getting more safe and comfortable with yourself and finding your people,” Price says. “When they’re newly on this journey, people really want to be free… but you can’t escape all of that social pressure, certainly not in a day.”
Instead of rushing into an enormous change all at once, Price recommends starting with small shifts. “Look for the spaces where you feel more safe to be yourself. What do I need in my physical environment to feel relaxed in my body? Do I need to be in a really dark, confined space? Do I need lots of loud music and to jump around and get my energy out? Whatever those things are like, build an environment for your sensory profile and your comfort.”
The early stages of unmasking are getting more safe and comfortable with yourself and finding your people.
Another thing to do? Surround yourself with people who make it easier for you to be yourself. “Whether that’s an Autistic Self Advocacy meeting, or going to a convention for other anime nerds… just nerding out with other people—slowly building for yourself more of these little pockets where that pressure to mask isn’t so severe,” Price says. That easing of pressure will help you figure out how it feels to be your true self.
And the more you experience that, the more it will become your baseline. “When you start with those small changes, it really snowballs, because then you know what you actually feel like when you’re comfortable,” Price says. “Then, you can tell when you’re in an environment that isn’t comfortable and start to move away from those friendships, move away from that job, move away from that school that’s really oppressive to you—whatever it is you need to do—and really just listen to your body and your comfort levels until you find the life that you need.”
Unmasking Isn’t Always Comfortable—For Anyone
Letting go of the mask can be freeing, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Unmasking may challenge relationships, set off conflict, and make some people uncomfortable.
“A lot of autistic people who are masking, they have been trying to make themselves as inoffensive to other people as possible and not stand out as ‘weird,’” he says. That leads to many autistic people, he says, entering relationships and friendships with people who may not treat them well. “They might be someone who picked us at school or at work—maybe not even people who we like—but they’ve decided to make us their project, or they get something out of the relationship.”
All of these really intense social judgments and rules harm anybody who’s a little bit different.
The process of unmasking means that some people may not be comfortable seeing your full self. “When you start unmasking, that means that sometimes you’re going to risk offending people and seeming a lot more weird,” Price says. But here’s the silver lining: You’ll begin to see who your true friends are. When you info-dump about your favorite topic, the right people will love hearing about it. When you need to leave a party because of sensory overload, a true friend will help you find your coat. “People are still still allowed to set their boundaries,” Price says, “but the wrong people will will see themselves out.”
Discomfort is part of the unmasking process. But, Price argues, that very discomfort is often necessary for growth. “If the end result is I’m around people who get me and accept me, I’m getting my needs met, I’m speaking up when I’m uncomfortable—that is a huge gain for most of us.”
How Neurotypical People Can (and Should) Support Autistic People
At its core, Price says, unmasking is not just a personal journey—it’s part of a broader fight for autism acceptance. “On the one hand, it’s so beautiful that we’re moving to a place where there is a little bit more room for autistic people to be themselves,” he says. “Yet at the same time, autistic people are having to do so much work to meet neurotypicals halfway. I wish non-autistic people would try just as hard to understand and appreciate autistic ways of being.”
Creating an environment that recognizes and accepts autistic people is a win-win, says Price, because rigid social expectations hurt not only neurodivergent people, but all kinds of people. “All of these really intense social judgments and rules harm anybody who’s a little bit different,” he says. “Whether you’re queer, whether you’re an immigrant, whether you have social anxiety, whether you’re autistic, every person gets hurt when we have this really rigid cookie-cutter [expectation] that’s pushed onto everybody. And so I just really like to see non-autistic people get on board with that idea that it’s hurting them too, and to try and put that that judgment aside.”
I wish non-autistic people would try just as hard to understand and appreciate autistic ways of being.
What truly helps autistic people feel accepted, Price says, isn’t forcing autistic people to fit in. It’s offering understanding, accommodations, and—most importantly—community. “What makes life easier for us is realizing we’re not alone,” he says. Because ultimately, unmasking isn’t just about being seen—it’s about finally seeing yourself.
Photo credit: J. E. De La Cruz
Unmasking For Life: The Autistic Person’s Guide to Connecting, Loving, and Living Authentically
by Devon Price, PhD